I am a foster parent for life. And any of the kids who have been in my home get me for life if they want me.
Becoming a foster parent is rewarding, life changing, tiring, challenging and powerful I wouldn’t change this experience for the world. If you believe that you are stable enough to provide for a young person desperately in need for a special kind of parenting and love without boundaries then I would wholeheartedly encourage you to do it.
From one foster parent to a potential foster parent
How to know when you are stable enough:
- You have a support network of people
- You are financial able to take care of all regular expenses as well as unexpected expenses without stress. While foster parenting often comes with a stipend you need to be able to provide a stable home and let’s face it, parenting well is expensive, so you need to be sure your money concerns never become the kids’ money concerns. They don’t need that.
- You are in a life position to be flexible if something comes up with one of the kids
- You have a high level of emotional control. Our hurt children are exceptionally good at pushing us away and doing things that can come across as hurtful. Can you consistently reach out even when all of the conscious and subconscious cues are telling you the affection and kindness won’t be returned. (In my experience if you keep at it long enough they will be returned and then some!)
- You have a sense of humor. If you can’t laugh with kids, then think again.
- Your key relationships are healthy and solid.
How to pick a place to foster with:
When you decide that you want to become a foster parent think very critically about which youth you are a best fit to serve and how you want to go about it. Decide first what makes the most sense for you and your family and then find a way to foster that fits. Consider:
- What age group do you want to work with?
- What level of needs in a child are you prepared to support?
- How many kids can you truly be an active parent for at once?
- What amount of respite (time when the kids are in the care of another adult) will you need?
- What level of support will you need in arranging respite with certified adults?
- Do you appreciate working with child support agencies or would you rather work directly with the state?
- What length of stay/relationship do you want with the kids?
- What length of time do you need between the time when one child leaves your home and the next arrives?
I would recommend the book Parenting the Hurt Child if you are interested in becoming a foster parent for older children. Certainly not everything in the book applies but it will open your mind to what some of the kids (remember that it is definitely not all of them!) face.
fostercarecommunities 